Make up a James Bond Story

[SimBoy]

Ok that title says so..

here is my story.

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, James Bond, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very exasperated, James Bond deflowered a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Suitcase was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Mike. James Bond had known Mike for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Mike was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... oafish. James Bond called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Mike picked up to a very calm James Bond. Mike calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats shudder before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually scandalously grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting James Bond. Why was Mike trying to distract James Bond? Because he had snuck out from James Bond's with the Suitcase only seven days prior. It was a exotic little Suitcase... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before James Bond got back to the subject at hand: his Suitcase. Mike turned red. Relunctantly, Mike invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Suitcase. James Bond grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Suitcase and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if James Bond took the Jap Trap, he had take at least ten minutes before James Bond would get there. But if he took the Lamborghini? Then Mike would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike was interrupted by eight funny-smelling Jaguars that were lured by his Suitcase. Mike turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he skillfully reached for his ripened avocado and randomly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lamborghini rolling up. It was James Bond.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, James Bond was out of the Lamborghini and went wildly jaunting toward Mike's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Suitcase into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Mike was puzzled but at least the Suitcase was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Mike surreptitiously purred. With a mighty push, James Bond opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying social outcast in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike assured him. James Bond took a seat wonderfully far from where Mike had hidden the Suitcase. Mike sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But James Bond was distracted. Absolutely thrilled, Mike noticed a insensitive look on James Bond's face. James Bond slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Mike felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when James Bond asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Suitcase right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on James Bond's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. James Bond nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike could react, James Bond skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Suitcase was plainly in view.

James Bond stared at Mike for what what must've been six seconds. A few unfulfilled decades later, Mike groped sassily in James Bond's direction, clearly desperate. James Bond grabbed the Suitcase and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, James Bond,' he rebuked. Mike always had been a little annoying, so James Bond knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his Suitcase tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Mike looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from James Bond. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for James Bond. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike walked over to the window and looked down. James Bond was gone.

Just yonder, James Bond was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Mike's place. James Bond had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Jaguars suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Suitcase. One by one they latched on to James Bond. Already weakened from his injury, James Bond yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Jaguars running off with his Suitcase.

About nine hours later, James Bond awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and James Bond did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited secret vineyard, James Bond was abnormally lost. Absolutely thrilled, he remembered that his Suitcase was taken by the Jaguars. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged Jaguar emerged from the magical cornfield. It was the alpha Jaguar. James Bond opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Jaguar sunk its teeth into James Bond's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from James Bond's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than eleven miles away, Mike was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Suitcase. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about James Bond... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Suitcase that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Jaguars, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

[rocket2k7]

ok , , james bond and the glass fish part one


ring ring! james walked to the office. he saw this man. he was the officer. james shot the officer and said "i do do crime". a white fair haired soldier came round the corner with a white haired man with black hair and a bit of a beard. these were bad guys.


"the fair haired leapt out and did a barrel rollll and shot james. he was dead, the bad guys had won. but a psychic hypnotised the soldiers to kill theirselves and that was that


end of part one