http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/ The home of Electronic Arts Community en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:25:47 GMT vBulletin 60 http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/images/ea_images_main/misc/rss.jpg http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/ http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/471-jim-dave-drinking.html Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:26:50 GMT Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were... Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?'

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side affects.

Nothing!


Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'

' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T, ' cause I'm in New York.' ]]> abomufc108 http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/471-jim-dave-drinking.html http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/469-carew-gets-fined-450000-lapdance.html Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:20:03 GMT Carew Fined 'Pretty Heavily' After Lapdance Escapade



Aston Villa striker John Carew has been hit with a 'pretty heavy' fine by club manager Martin O'Neill for his decision to visit a lapdancing club within hours of a Uefa Cup tie against Ajax...


Carew was spotted at a lapdancing venue in the early hours of Thursday morning - the same day that Aston Villa had a crucial Uefa Cup encounter against Ajax at Villa Park.

Although Carew was left out of the panel for the match, his decision to visit the club was roundly criticised by all concerned with the Premier League outfit.

Carew made a goalscoring return to the first-team yesterday as Villa trounced Wigan Athletic by four goals to nil, but that has not stopped Martin O'Neill hitting the Norwegian in the pocket for his 'oversight.'

The Aston Villa manager told the BBC: "John was disciplined because he breached the rules.

"John thinks there are mitigating circumstances. I listened and then I made a decision he was wrong.

"It was a large oversight on his part.

"John assures me it won't happen again so I will believe him. It wasn't the brightest thing to do. Most of the players in the dressing room are saying it should be doubled."

from goal.com ]]> abomufc108 http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/469-carew-gets-fined-450000-lapdance.html http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/468-idiots.html Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:18:32 GMT BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the
Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

BEACON RADIO, (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

GWR FM, (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Q: What is the world's largest continent?
A: The Pacific

RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Presenter: He makes bread. . .
Contestant: Err...
Presenter: He makes cakes . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?

BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm. . .
Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er . . . Mexico?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?
Contestant: Jelly.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?

QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor.

BIG QUIZ (LBC)
Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant: Lepers.

TALKSPORT
Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have?
Caller: Two.
Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...?
Caller: Five.

MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm...
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?

FAMILY FORTUNES.
Presenter : Name a bird with a long neck?
Contestant : Naomi Campbell

Presenter : Name a dangerous race?
Contestant :The Arabs

Presenter : Name something that's red?
Contestant : My Nan's Cardigan ]]> abomufc108 http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/468-idiots.html http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/467-world-heviest-man-gets-marries.html Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:10:00 GMT The world's heaviest man has married in ceremony in Mexico

The world's heaviest man has married in ceremony in Mexico


MONTERREY, Mexico - The world's heaviest man has tied the knot.
Manuel Uribe, who hasn't left his bed in six years, married his longtime girlfriend, Claudia Solis, on Sunday in northern Mexico.

Wearing a white silk shirt with a sheet wrapped around his legs, Uribe smiled as Solis, 38, walked down a flight of stairs wearing a strapless ivory dress, a tiara and hot-pink lipstick.

He later broke into tears as a notary declared the couple husband and wife in a civil ceremony attended by more than 400 guests.

For the traditional first dance as newlyweds, Uribe and Solis held hands and swayed to a romantic ballad.

The reception featured a banquet with meat, buttered vegetables and a five-tier wedding cake for dessert. A popular local norteno band played in the background.

The wedding which was closed to most media, will be featured in an upcoming Discovery Channel documentary on Uribe, the 43-year-old former mechanic said.

"I have a wife and will form a new family and live a happy life," Uribe told hordes of reporters earlier as they followed him through the streets of Monterrey.

A flatbed truck was brought in to tow his custom-made bed decorated with a canopy, flowers and gold-trimmed bows to the wedding at a local event hall. Two police patrol cars escorted him ahead of a long line of traffic.

Uribe tipped the scales in 2006 at 1,230 pounds, earning him the Guinness Book of World Records' title for the world's heaviest man.

He has since shed about 550 pounds with the help of Solis, whom he met four years ago.

Uribe said he's gunning for a new title: world's largest weight loser. ]]> abomufc108 http://forums.electronicarts.co.uk/blogs/371426-abomufc108/467-world-heviest-man-gets-marries.html